On Dec 4, 2017 08:28, <vicki@darvic.net> wrote:
Elder Josh,?
In answer to your question “what do you think life would have been like” — I don’t even want to think about it.? I have seen too many women who have married outside the church and have spent their whole life miserable.? Some have seen their husbands turn and accept the Gospel but most have not.? I have loved my life with Grandpa and I know that I am much better off than if I had not listened to the Lord’s counsel.? Remember,? I didn’t have a lightning strike revelation,? I just knew what the council was and followed it even though it was hard and I wasn’t sure if I would get to marry at all if I didn’t marry him, but I wanted to be good (just like you) even though I also fought a war every day in my mind.??
You said that you “just want to figure out how to really love the people and really love the work” — sometimes you are not going to really love the details and demands of the work.? I don’t think that Ammon’s brothers who were thrown into prison liked that a whole lot but what they knew -? that God lived and loved them and wanted them to do the work in that part of the field– sustained them and helped them get through the hard times.? I do not know anybody who has served a mission who loved the details of every minute of every day, but they loved the Lord and trusted him and did the work and learned to enjoy those “vast vistas” that President Hinkley talked about along the way.? As for loving the people, that is a gift from God as you pray for it and show him that you want to love the people as he does even if it is hard.? Don’t expect that because you dislike some of the situations and behaviors of some of the people that you come in contact with that you can’t love them.? God loves us all, even the very bad ones but he doesn’t like all that they do or even all that we do sometimes but it doesn’t change how he loves them and how he seeks after them and how he wants them to come unto him and how he forgives them if they seek and continue to make the little changes that they can.? Seek for the ability to love as he loves, to understand more of His divine nature and then pray for his help in loving in that way and seek to feel (not hear or see) what that is and how you can do it in your relationships with your investigators, the members, and your companions and leaders.??
Josh, the Lord understands your struggles.? There are plenty of examples of people in the scriptures (Moses, Jonah, Joseph Smith and others) who didn’t think they could do what the Lord asked and wanted them to do, and who made some mistakes along the way but they persevered?(I wonder how you persevere in the belly of a big fish).? Keep on wanting to do what is right and turn to the Lord in prayer when the “Natural Man” stuff gets in the way, seek His protection and know that he is giving it even when you can’t exactly feel it.? Remember if you can on a daily basis to look at the things that went right that day and the little ways that you were blessed by the Lord (even if it is that at least you didn’t smash the nose of that nasy guy that was bugging you-? HeHe).? As you look at the little things and notice them you will begin to notice more.? I find myself thanking the Lord each time I see a tender mercy in my life – like finding my keys, or feeling that I should do something, or even smaller things like noticing how pretty the sky? is or the landscape or whatever.? Thank him in all things and you will begin to feel and see more things.
I am not going to send you anything to read this time.? I may have some more next week but please read your study material as you are supposed to and then read and reread some of the material I have sent you already that helps to lift and inspire you (I hope there is something in the material I sent that will do that)
We love you Josh.? I do and Granddad does, and the Lord does and so do Rich and Sherri and Noel and a lot of other people.?
The Lord Lives, I know that!!!? He loves us and He is trying to guide us all the time.? However, we are only capable of a little at a time so he helps us line upon line.? Don’t be in such a hurry to have everything fall into place.? He is still sweeping out the corners in most of us but eventually, he can and will make of us more than we could ever make of ourselves, but that isn’t a process that happens overnight (or even in two years or even completely in this life).? In Elder Hollands last talk he talked about “Be ye therefore perfect, eventually”.? The plan isn’t for us to be perfect in this life, just to get straight that we want to be someday and you do want to be Josh–you just arn’t yet and neither am I so we have to keep wanting and be patient and the Lord will bring it about.? “For this is my work and my Glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life to man (Josh Batt and Vicki Stull included)”
Take care, again we love you.
Grandma
Thanks a lot for the letter Grandma that really helped, it really puts some things into perspective that I didn’t see before. I wanted to ask what do you think life would have been like if you ended up marrying that other guy instead of Grandpa? That story really stuck out to me for some reason. It’s hard to sacrifice those things you’re so used to doing and who you are. There are a lot of bumps and smoke too and it’s a crazy rollercoaster but it is fun sometimes, I just want to figure out how to really love the people and really love the work because I don’t want to just let these two years go right by me and have them mean nothing but a cool experience but it is also hard to sacrifice things and change… a lot of the times I feel like there’s a war of darkness and light clashing within me and I’m pulled both directions some days and it’s really kind of draining. I want so bad to be a good person and follow the Lord but at the same time it’s easy to just stay where you’re comfortable…