To My Husband
What follows is a letter I found in Mom’s writings to Dad. It is dated March 8, 1998, Dad’s birthday. Mom died of cancer in Aug of 1998 and Dad died in December of 1998.? This is the only letter that I have found? from her to Dad. It has a note in her handwriting on the top that says “cc: birthday Len”.
Vicki Clark Stull – Daughter
To My Husband Leonard J. Clark March 8, 1998
Today you are 79 years old?
And I
?have been thinking as I watch you struggle with my problem and the fact that these past years have brought you less mobility and more ?pills? which, though they have helped, seem to disturb you because you have to take so many.
And as I have been thinking and watching you, though I can?t possibly know what you are thinking, at times I see a feeling of defeat in your expression and sense it in your attitude, though you never speak of such things and for that I?m grateful.
And as I have been thinking and watching, while my problem seems to be upper most in people?s minds, I know that you are suffering, mostly silently, a pain that no one can understand unless they have had or have the same problems.
You are the man that married a very spoiled young woman, who thought she knew everything and who couldn?t even cook. You made me understand that you weren?t going to put up with that and I learned a lot in my first year of? marriage. I couldn?t have done that had I not?known that you were right and loved me more than I deserved at times.
You are the man that helped me create two wonderful children ? you were there at each of their births, as much as the times would allow. You saw to it that the three of us always had plenty to eat and a roof over our heads. You taught me how to live on what we had and be proud that I could do that.
You are?
?the man that designed and built a very large home and surprised many people because they didn?t think you had that capability. I never doubted that you did. Though those were trying years, at times, they were also years of? accomplishment beyond what we had thought we would do and were full of learning experiences, for all four of us.
You are the man who then had to leave what you had so proudly built, for a job with better pay and one that meant a great deal of traveling. I know this held some fears for you, but you felt this would be best for our future. You did this with a grace and dignity that a lot of men would not have shown. It was then that our children had to learn that home is where the family is, not necessarily where the house is, and that where their father lived was where the three of us would live. It was a big lesson for all four of us and we did well.
You are the man, during those years of travel and long working hours, that encouraged me to freely investigate whatever I chose that was around me. I have always been grateful to you for that, and never was gone when I knew you would be home.
You are the man that bowled for many years with me and traveled to tournament after tournament with our friends, even though you were tired of riding in vehicles. You were an exceptional bowler and because of that I became a reasonably good one. Thank you for that fun.
You?are the man that took me out to dinner to some very fine places ? always dressed up ?sometimes with friends, sometimes with the children and many times by ourselves. I truly loved those times. You are also the one who attended some very posh parties with me ? what a handsome couple we made. Good times ? please remember them.
You are the man that stood defiantly to the end when you were falsely accused. By doing so, you saved the whole process you went through from happening to others in your same situation. You have never quite gotten over that, but you should have, for as far as I am concerned that was one of your greatest triumphs.
You are the man who saw to it that both of your children and their families had some kind of a home of their own to make a start with. How many men do that, do you think?
You are the man that guaranteed through the years that you worked that you and I would have a decent retirement.
You are the man who, after retirement chose not to travel anymore, but allowed me to take trips of my own choosing. I want you to know because you never made me feel guilty over traveling alone, these trips brought me great joy.
You are the man that I celebrated 50 years of marriage with ? wasn?t that a wonderful party?
You are the man who still plans fishing trips whenever possible and I know sometimes it is very hard for you to get around, yet you still go when you can. It makes me happy, to know you are doing something you love.
Remember, too, you are a man who has devoutly kept his marriage vows for over fifty two years at this time. That is an accomplishment in itself, for anyone who says marriage is an ?easy do? really doesn?t understand living at all.
These are just a few, of the hundreds, of things I?d like you to remember about yourself. These are not easy times for either of us, but please do not look at life in defeat, for that is a word that you never allowed to enter your mind when you decided to do something ? another lesson I learned from you. We still go out to dinner and there is still time for us to make more special memories. And please, know, though at times my personality and my disease do not show it, I love you dearly and appreciate each and every day we have together.
My love always -Lee