Many people influence us during our lifetime -our parents, our siblings, special teachers and certain friends.? However, there has never been any question in my mind as to who influenced me the most as a child, and I might add for the rest of my life.? It was my father.? I refer to him as “my father” or “my Dad” but I always called him “Daddy”.
From the moment I could comprehend who he was, I knew that he loved me just because I was me.? It was an undemanding devotion, which I have discovered is often rare.? He was not a demonstrative person in the way of hugging and kissing, though I remember as a small child, being curled into his lap, with an arm around me, as he read to me.? Then being carried off to bed when I got sleepy.??
In later years. the soft touch of his hand on my shoulder, often unexpected as he’d walk by me, or as we stood near each other conversing, gave me the most tender feeling of love and warmth; a sensation hard to convey in words.
A kind, gentle man with a wonderful dry wit, he believed in compromise, but felt one should never compromise himself or his values.? He had many friends, and sometimes they came especially to talk with him.? Never quick to hand out advice, he was more inclined to offer suggestions, ideas and alternatives to think about in a situation.? One could then make up his own mind.? He did this for me many times, even after I was married.? He was one of the few men that my husband admired and believed in with no reservations.
My father believed in education, and was always interested in the boys and my schooling.? Also, a music lover, he encouraged us, and found funds, in very difficult times, for any endeavor we chose along that line.? We were expected to do our part and not let that effort and money go to waste.
I have always felt he had a second sense when it came to me.? Many times when I’d be upset, sitting alone and kind of down, he’d soon come along and we would talk quietly.? He never pried.? He never needed to.? I could tell him anything and know I wouldn’t be ridiculed.? He was there to help find an answer.? He always made me remember who I was – that I was valuable and loved.? This was so reassuring during my adolescent years.
He died very suddenly when I was 28 years old.? To this day, I remember the soft smile on his dear face as I looked at him for the last time.? I was so glad that I had not deliberately done anything to cause him pain.? No one, except perhaps him, can ever know how much I loved and respected him.
It took me awhile to deal with his death, for I felt cheated of the many years we could have had together.? Finally, I did come to terms with what I had no control over.
I have said, many times, he was my reference for life.? Though we missed many years together, his voice is there in my mind, when I need him most, to suggest alternatives.
I know he had his ups and downs, had his share of fear and anxiety, made his mistakes, as we all do, but he was and will always be, my paragon.
Thank you Daddy.
Last rewrite 4/10 1995 by Lee Clark