By Lena Marie Hodson Clark? written about 1995.
I have found it difficult to sit down and write about this parent of mine.? To just put down facts, etc.? So what I have done here is allow my thoughts to lead me through my memories of her.
Mama was always home.? At that time she wore house dresses – always neat and clean.? She took me to Mary Kelley’s beauty salon to have my hair cut, until I was able to go by myself.? I saw her get permanents the old way.? Sometimes it kind of frightened me, when I watched Mary hook all those clips and cords on her head.? The machines looked like they came out of some mad scientist laboratory.
I called her Mama when I was a little girl.? I changed that to Mom during my teenage years and for some time after that.? As I matured and she aged, Mother seemed to fit best.
She would put me in her and Daddy’s bed when I became sick for whatever reason.? Such a special place for a little one to be.? I felt like a small bug in a big space, snug and warm between clean white sheets, with blankets tucked around me.
Then Mama would bring special food like milk toast, hot cocoa, fresh orange juice, etc.? After I got better, but still had to stay in bed, she would bring small toys, crayons, etc.? to keep me quietly amused.? It was almost worth being sick.
Mama never smoked or drank, but I remember the time she puffed on Uncle John’s cigarette to blow warm smoke in my ear to stop an earache.? I was about four and had a high temperature.? Uncle John had a car and was driving us to Ritizville to see a doctor.??
Mama always dressed up to go to town.? She dressed me up, too.? As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes we’d go to Semro’s pool hall, set up on the stools and have a soda.? I loved those times.
There were times the boys would take me to school with them on a party day.? When we were ready to leave, as we went out the door, she’d say to them, “You be careful of her.”? They were, in their way.? Between them, with each holding a hand, my feet barely touched the ground as they ran all the way to the schoolhouse.? I’m sure Mama was well aware of that.
It seemed to me people in town always respected Mama and treated her well.? She was a hard worker, and her home and family were important to her.? I realize now, it was these values that gave her a certain dignity, totally her own.?
Many of the relatives came to her for help, as well as others in the community.? mama should have been a nurse, she was so good at tending the sick.
After a few years in school, for me to call her Mama, didn’t seem to fit anymore.? Now she had become somebody else, a Mom.? I was given my share of responsibility around the house and she tolerated no back talk.? With Mom, there was no foolishness when she spoke.? You minded – she didn’t allow tantrums.? She could be fun too – she loved picnics, berry picking when she had the opportunity, company and preparing big dinners.? She had a tricky sense of humor – sometimes it was hard to tell when she was kidding, but in a few moments a small grin would tip you off.
Mom taught me to do things I din’t want to do with a smile on my face.? For example, it was my job to get the jars in the basement for canning.? I hated that job because there were spiders down there.? There was always at least one in a jar.? However, it got done very quickly and with the necessary smile.? Though the smile never seemed to make that job any better, there were many that it did, and as I grew older, I truly appreciated that lesson.
Also, she was a great believer in facing things head on.? She made me understand any problem that came up could be taken care of.? If it was not morally wrong or a major insult to me or my family, I could probably do what was necessary, and go on about my business, whether I liked the situation or not.? However, I always knew she’d be there for me when it was important.
She loved animals.? Especially the little ones.? We always had a cat and a dog.? There were so many batches of kittens, and somehow homes were found for them, so none had to be put to death – at least not that I remember.? At different times, she raised chickens, turkeys and one time some Banty hens.? Once, while I was still pretty young, she had an incubator full of eggs that turned into the cutest batch of baby chicks.? I remember watching her turn the eggs and how exciting it was when the chicks began to appear.? All these activities made growing up particularly interesting.? I’ve always been glad we were allowed to have pets.
She had little sayings which I called Momisms.? One of her favorites was, “If you want something bad enough, there usually is a way.”? As a result, I learned to bake my own cakes so I wouldn’t have to give up my piano lessons.
During my high school years, she made me two special dresses that I remember well.? I was so proud.? They were so well done that one of the other girls’ mothers asked her to sew the same one for her daughter.? You know what, she never did.? Now that’s a Mom!!
When I wanted to leave home to go to business school I thought Mom was going to be difficult about the whole situation.? I know she didn’t want me to leave, feeling that I could work right there at home.? I’m sure it was my Dad’s influence that convinced her to go along with it.? It was a hard decision for her.? Nevertheless, she went with me to make sure I was situated in proper surroundings, and understood what my responsibilities were, since I’d be working to pay some of my way.? I am eternally grateful for being allowed that opportunity without being made to feel like I was causing her pain.
After I marred and had children of my own, Mom became Mother.? It was like sh’d earned a new and different station in my life and mother seemed to fit her better.? By this time she no longer wore house dresses, but good looking slacks and colorful blouses – a sign of the times.
Mother made a great grandmother, as any one of her grandchildren will tell you.? She was known as Grandma Lylah to many more than just her own grandchildren.
Widowed at fifty eight, I know it was lonely for her at times, however, she continued to be a hub for the family – still cooking a family dinner on Sundays for anyone who wished to attend.
She used to speak a great deal of her lack of a proper education as she was only allowed to attend school through the eighth grade.? After her death, as I would think about various conversations, I began to realize just how much that lack in her life bothered her.? I wish now that I had told her that I never found her lacking, and that I knew educated people who had traveled the world over and yet had not expressed one tenth the creativity she did during her life time.
I was her only daughter and I found her to be a hard taskmaster at times.? There were many occasions that we didn’t see eye to eye on certain things.? However, in her later years, I chose not to be argumentative with her, as from some of her own teachings, I found it unnecessary.?
She lived alone until the day she died at ninety plus years old.? Though she never had to lead the life of an invalid, it was very apparent to me the year before her death was one of loneliness and frustration for her.? She did live near my brother and his family and someone saw her everyday, but she was unable to be the hub she had been at one time.? She was deaf, unable to do the things she usually did and her memory was fading some.? She wanted to die.
She was such a strong personality, if I didn’t know better I’d say she orchestrated her own death.? She died at home, quickly, just the way she wanted to.? I am thankful for that easy release.? It was time.
I have chosen to put down here some incidents and many qualities I revere about her.? She lived every day with her own kind of courage and strength.? I hope to some degree some of those qualities and portions of her personality have become a part of me.