Extras

A number of years ago I heard a boy scout leader tell his scouts that the North Star is the brightest star on the horizon. I wasn’t in a situation to correct that misinformation, but the North Star is not on the horizon (unless you’re on the equator), and it’s not a particularly bright star. It can be found by using other stars which point to it.  

Years ago I worked on the auto-pilot systems on two models of Boeing airplanes. One of those models had a star tracker in the top of the plane. The tracker found specific stars to use like GPS. The star tracker with its computer and other equipment was called the celestial navigation system. The celestial navigation system provided information to the pilots to keep them on track to reach their destination, but it was only helpful if they used that information and if it was accurate.  My job was to keep it accurate..

In our lives today, we get lots of information about where to go and what to do. If we use our own celestial navigation system, we’ll reach our intended destination. It comes with us and is part of us from birth. It gets enhanced if and when we are baptized and given the gift of the Holy Ghost and as we learn through experience to listen to it. We have to keep it accurate and sometimes that takes a lifetime.

On this web site is the story of my mother through a letter she wrote to her parents about a major surgery she had.. I am writing of my little part in that story and some of how it impacted me.

As a little boy and even into my teenage years, I had very limited information about what was happening to her. 

I was six years old in 1952 when Grandma Juanita noticed a lump on the roof of her mouth. I didn’t know what that meant, so I didn’t worry about it. That Christmas my brother (Uncle Grafton) and I spent the holidays with our grandparents in Oklahoma and Iowa while Mom and Dad stayed in Albuquerque, New Mexico. When it was time for us to go home, our grandparents drove us through South Dakota and Montana. We visited some national parks and eventually arrived back in Albuquerque. I had no idea that anything was different with my mother. Years later I finally pieced together what happened, and I learned about the decisions Mom made while Grafton and I were away.

While we were gone, Mom had major surgery.  Afterward the doctor told her that he “didn’t get it all”’. He assured her that he could get the rest of the tumor with further surgery, but it would be even more radical. She would lose both eyes, be more disfigured than she already was, and she would be an invalid for the rest of her life. She considered that she had two little boys who needed a mother who could take care of them. She declined the further surgery, knowing that her life would be shortened and that in the later stages she would be in a lot of pain. Her goal was to survive until I was twelve years old. She thought she could teach me something about taking care of myself: fixing simple meals, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, living as a responsible adult, etc. When she saw me finish elementary school, her new goal was to see me finish junior high, then she hoped to see me graduate high school. She didn’t reach that goal. Grafton was a high school senior and I was a junior when she finally stepped through the veil and her suffering came to an end. She had been ill for ten years.

Years later, after I was married, Dad and I talked about some of the problems Uncle Grafton was having. I said that I thought he had never recovered emotionally from Mom’s illness and death. Grandpa said “none of us have”. I realized that he was right. That was the first time that Dad ever told me how much he suffered while Mom was ill. People at work often asked him how she was doing. He couldn’t share with them how horrible it was, because she never complained. He said it would have been easier if she had complained; then he wouldn’t have had to be strong. 

Dad and I didn’t have a great relationship. Looking back now, I realize that a lot of the things impacting our relationship were colored by his suffering because of Mom’s suffering. He didn’t know how to deal with a couple of sons who both had issues. Our family pretty much fell apart. Now I know that he was suffering a lot more than I ever understood and some of his behavior makes a lot more sense to me. Having this enhanced information makes my celestial navigation easier. I can see my whole childhood family from a much more compassionate position.  

About a year after Mom’s passing, Dad married Carolyn. She completed his life and I was glad that he had someone he could care about again. Carolyn is a wonderful person who helped smooth some of Dad’s rough edges. I try to call her every month just to make sure she is still in good health and that she knows we care about her. She is now 92 (as of June 2025). She is living in a wonderful facility that she loves and that provides her with increasing services as she needs them. She still drives herself to church  (Baptist through and through even though Dad was presbyterian) and makes sure we always know she loves it.